Archive | December, 2013

I got fingered in a bar…

20 Dec

I forgot how much fun I was SO MANY SO MANY MOONS AGO…This is from my old journal… WHAT A MEMORY!!!!!

I love to dress up and meeting new people. This particular night I was really hot and bothered. I looked over my mate(ex-roommate) who was already asleep by 7 PM. He wanted me to go to sleep but I couldn’t so I got up and got dressed. I decided on a short black dress. I decided on this particular French cut bra that showed off the lace and the cleavage so well with the low-cut dress it was perfect giving it the look of wanting to play and underneath I just wore a lacy thong. The dress was not long but just above the knees…I knew I wanted some kind of adventure just not sure what it would be, whatever it was it beat being home.

As I drive along I see this bar decide it looks interesting so I walk in.. Little did I know I was going to see some of my friend’s. Especially this particular guy we both were attracted to each other but never really done anything before… as the night went along we seemed to be pushed into each other. We looked into each others eye, I could see the desire just building between us… our bodies where just molding to each other for it was really crowd. We both have been drinking so that only helped the heat build up and make me into a horny gal. Next thing I know I just kissed him, a kiss that said I want more. I used my hands to cup the back of his neck to pull him closer. I reacted to the kiss stronger than expected and so did he. I felt his hands on my lower back. As we started making out, his kisses were powerful. He kept one hand just above my ass however, the second one had started to moved, it guided itself to find my wetness under my dress. I felt it go up my thigh and between my legs. I welcomed him I spread my legs to let him do as he wished. He did not take him twice to realize what I had just done. By than I was dripping of hot liquid I knew I wanted him and wanted him badly. He slowly started messaging my clit over my thong and I knew I was starting to drip down my legs… than slowly he moved it out-of-the-way, he wanted the prize and I wanted him to take it. Nobody can see what we were doing expect him and I. He never moved his hand from the back of my ass he just used it to push me forward into his fingers. Slowly he started to enter me. I felt my pussy just tighten when he entered me. Next thing I know he had two or three of his fingers inside of me. It was such a thrill to know that here in the middle of everyone… I was being pleased. I placed my hands on his crotch and slowly starting messaging him from the outside… I could feel him thicken and that aroused me even more. I couldn’t believe what I was doing but knew that my body was reacting to his touch. As he went in and out with his finger but then his thumb played a big role. Some how he used it to play with my clit… his hands had over powered me by than my legs where starting to shake. He pushed me between his legs and I used his thighs for support… I know I could hear myself moan but because I have had public sex before I learned not to make it obvious, he would be the only one able to hear it. I knew he loved the sounds of it for I felt his cock just thicken even more… I could feel my hot juices dripping down my legs… as I got closer I realized I was going to cum and that was not going to be a good but I just did not care… I had not came in such a long time I was welcoming it…. I kissed him right there and then and I releases my desires… I was right I was dripping with wetness as I came but that only end up thrilling him even more.. so we decided to take it somewhere else, I wanted to give him what he had given me back… the funny part is nobody noticed what we were doing till someone in the parking lot asked me what I spilled on my dress and what happened to his pants… I just started laughing…

This was before Alan but now Alan has taken me to a level I never imagined.

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TRUTH BE TOLD…

17 Dec

This is a letter for Alan… He will never get to see it…

Dear Alan…

I can’t help but think about yesterday’s conversation. You hated hearing the truth but I wont start lying now. I will find someone just not sure when. I know that you would like for me to be in casual relationship but honesty, after you I just can’t. I given myself to you as I never have anyone before and I know the reality of our situation. I am not waiting for you per say. I am waiting for someone to come into my life. I want someone to grow old with but at the same time give me what you have given me plus more. You are right once the honeymoon stage ends reality hits but honestly, I am not your typical gal and why men wont leave so quietly as you seen with my ex roommate. I try to keep things fresh and fun. With me you never know what I am up too, what surprises I will come up with. The thing is these men don’t know is how easy it is keep me, to make me happy with just a hug or a night of snuggling up but once I feel you are taking advantage of me, that you are taking me for grant I start changing/cheating there is no turning back. I am evil too. Usually they wake up but it’s too late and I am already cheating on them (expect for my ex husband). However, I want to meet a man who will blow me away as you have. Someone who is single not married. Someone I can be loyal to as I am with you. Sometimes I hate that you are married for I know you would appreciate me spoiling you, taking care of your needs not just sexually but mentally. I know you are the perfect fit for me. You actually are the perfect man I been waiting for but deep inside I know where I belong when it comes to you. I know that you would enjoy coming home to me and that I will not be ignored as well not taken for granted. I would appreciate you and show you. I imagine you would enjoy my massages, my cooking, my way of dealing with conflicts as well as little things here and there but mostly you would enjoy my sexual appetite as well, the part nobody has been able to bring out but you, the side that wants to discover my sexuality to find out how far I am capable of going. You are right I can no longer have casual sex that part of me has ended. I have no desires for a meaningless sex. I wanted something meanful. Even if I did consider it wouldn’t be able to satisfying me anymore for you have helped me discover there is more to just bedding someone.

I also know how hurt you would be the day I leave for I have left my imprint on you as you have for me. But there’s a difference between us as much it would painfully to leave you, I will be going to go to brighter happy ending and you will be stuck in your situation. See I got out when I had no other choice, where I couldn’t even stand it anymore being miserable with someone I couldn’t love completely and I know you hated it, you told me that things where going to change. I also know, you know that it be time before I find someone, I never stay single long. You say, you don’t want to lose me but you are married and you can not lose someone you can’t have. Don’t get me wrong I am not ready to let you go not yet but I know eventually I will have no choice but till than you have me. But like all affairs it’s a matter of time when it must have an expiration date. Just enjoy the time we have together because we don’t now when it will end and what the future will bring but till than I am yours for your taking. One thing you should know and wont say. I wish you were not married because than you truly would be my destiny. I never told you that before I wish you were not married and that you and I could have that relationship that could be ours. Truth be told… I hate that you are married, I hate that you and I can’t have a normal relationship. I hate that no matter what you have someone to grow old with. See no matter what I know you won’t leave your wife so I have no choice to find someone who I can make a life with explore our sexual adventures freely and be able to love without no walls no barriers. To be able to belong to someone with a special connection that will make me forget about you. So for now Alan just enjoy it because eventually I will find my destiny.

I am his dirty little whore…

13 Dec

This is from one of my past journal and where I started becoming his mistress and why….

How I Became His Whore.. I was the perfect whore for him… I arrived to the hotel room and knocked on his door… I kissed him right away very passionate for a kiss determines the way the road we will take… as I kissed him with such passion I let my hands roam in the back of his neck, his shoulders, his arms for I wanted him to feel the energy the heat that has been waiting for him… I let my hands touch him slowly I want him to feel that I miss his passion. I know he is enjoying this for I could hear him moan so lightly… For men, they also like to feel that they are needed and wanted by a woman… I let my hands find what he wants me to touch his cock I want him to know that I miss having it in my hands.. It was getting very hard and I could feel it wanting to exit where it’s been hiding… slowly I tease it on the outside using my nails to gently caress it from the outside giving it a light scratch. Like a pussy cat ready to play than I give it just the right squeeze and continue this till I hear him moaning wanting me to let it out … but I continue to kiss him and tease him with my mouth and tongue as he knows that this means that soon my mouth will be where he wants it to be…

I take off his shirt and let my hands slide on his ass and give him a slight squeeze and let my hands direct themselves to the front of his jeans… I have it my hands and this is making me wet with passion. I could feel the tension of his cock, I could feel how hard it is and this sends me to the place I know soon I will be… I stroke it and with my other hand I unbuckle his pants… but not yet… I look into his eyes and slowly take off my dress,, he sees what I am wearing underneath something that makes his eye light up I know that wearing the right undergarments can arouse a man even more… I could see his eyes begging for me to expose myself… I give him a slight show kissing him as I go, I know he wants to see the nakedness’ of a woman wanting the man in front of him. The passion that only he can bring out. I see the tip of his shaft peeking out of his pants… I slowly walk up to him and pull his pants down… by then I see his back arch wanting me to place it in a warm place… but not yet for I do enjoying wanting him to desire me to make me his completely… I kiss his neck, his chest while my hands caress his manhood slowly stroking him, letting him know that I want him as well… I kiss his stomach work myself down to want my mouth as also be drooling about… I lick my lips, and open my mouth so slightly teasing the end of his shaft… I lick the long cock… from the sides if it was an ice cream ready to melt… I could already taste his juices for they are flowing… He loves the way I caress his cock between my lips and mouth and how I use the tongue to get him harder…but I do not want him to explode just yet.. by than I am dripping with wetness aching for someone to touch me…

so I get up and lay down… and spread my legs for him I tell him with my eyes, what I want… words are not needed when in passion but just a simply touch a simple look can work miracles…but he does the same back to me, he starts my kissing my neck, teasing me as I just teased him, finds my hard nipples, for they are hard and long and aching for a kiss for someone to show them that they are not forgotten… as he does this I grab his hands and show him what else is waiting for him… as he feels my moister between my legs, he lets out a moan… and I see his eyes darken for he loves the reaction I am giving him, he loves that I am dripping with ecstasy… slowly he kisses my stomach working his way to my womanhood and finds the place I been aching for… as he uses his tongue… he is evil for he knows a woman’s body, he knows how to work a clit.. He knows what makes me ache with such pleasure… The slither of his tongue playing with my pussy, swallowing my juices and they are now flowing hard and fast, and than he hides his tongue between the lips of my pussy and brings it out and in…fucking me with his tongue… I start begging him pleading with him to place his cock inside of me… I have missed his connection… I missed his huge cock inside of me filling me up with such pleasure… only he can bring…

He knows this, he gotten the power over me for I have some how lost it… but I don’t care I want to belong to this man… I want him to know that my pussy is his for the moment and that no one else can fill it with such passion, such ecstasy, such power… as he enters me he teasing me with the shaft of his penis on my clit which is on fire… I just overpower him and place him where he belongs… as he enters my wet pussy… I feel this sensation of sexual connection for he is hard and stiff… I feel that he will rip me in half… He thrusts himself hard and fast… I want him to rip me I want him to know that I am ready to do what he wishes and he knows this…and takes control once more.. by teasing me by slowing down…but I could feel him expanding even more inside of me…. He flips me over and has me on all floors I a begging him… please hurry up… and lets out a soft laughter.. for, he knows he has me where he wants me aching for desire aching to be released of such passion, such torture…. And he enters once more I could feel the walls of my pussy expand… I feel his hands on my ass as he pulls me towards him, my back is already arching to position… I feel my pussy getting even hotter, getting wetter and its overwhelming He pulls me hard using his hands and body towards the passion we both want… suddenly, I feel his hot liquid come out squirting against my walls and this sends me to what I been hoping for I release as well… and fill his cock with my juices together we made one special brand…. As we finish I get up and just walk out the door till next time… for I must wait for that call to come

This really brought back memories and why I literaly became his… and still continue for the passion has not fade but become stronger…

This is what I wrote before I met him….

12 Dec

I Want To Unleash The Passion Inside Of Me

Its Burning Within Me… I want to find the perfect lover who will help me exploded with such passion that I do not have to look and keep looking but just knowing that I need be his… I want one man to be able to help me explore the sexual desire I have within me.. I want someone who is willing to take this ride with me and not be afraid to the depth of our needs… Someone who will not just talk the bullshit but will actually work on the action… for there is a passion inside of me that is getting ready to exploded and I have yet to meet the one that will experience it with me from the beginning to the end…

I found my old journal and I saw this before I met him before I decided to cheat on my ex roommate. It’s funny how things work out and how sometimes wishes do come true. This really brought back memories and now I am happy to have found that one who unleashed me.

ONCE A BAD GIRL

11 Dec

Dear…

Alan asked me to just “HANG IN THERE” to what I ask myself? What do I hold on to when he can never offer me expect for some stolen (seldom) moments. He also announced he wouldn’t be available till January after his inventory inspection. I miss him, it’s not like we live far from each but since his wife quit we hardly see each other. So why am I still hanging on? So I reread some of my posts and realize that I am supposed to be letting go but ever since, the STD/OW incident I totally forgot. I was so busy trying to forgive him that I forgot I am supposed to let him go. I need to find myself someone who will be available to meet all my needs. I am missing a companion, someone to hold on to me at night-time, someone who can make me his sub and will show me to be a good girl. I need to find myself a new Dom not to belong to someone who I fuck once in a blue moon. Yeah, I am in a pissed off mood. Because I trust this man, I gave myself to him completely and he has no time for me.

So here I am thinking… I was a bad girl, slut, whore, and so tempted to be bad right now especially since I am horny and pissed off at the same time, a really bad combination for me. I was bad for I will find a man for the night’s enjoyment and be gone before he wakes up. I will be his fantasy for one night, (not like Alan has me). I will treat you as I never slept with you next time I see you and treat you as a friend drink a beer with you with no expectations, but I would look into their eyes looking/wondering about me trying to figure me out wondering if I will do it again or will I mention it, if I was in a great mood he would get lucky maybe one more time depending if he was good in the bedroom, sometimes I would keep them for a few months till the emotions part would develop, that would be my clue to run for I didn’t want to cause no emotional drama/pain. But silence was my key factor in these adventures and always kept the men on their toes. I was the type that will leave before being asked, the type that will be what you want me to be for a few hours or months without you having to give me the nine yards, of course now I know that it was all Vanilla Sex compared to what I have now. However, I was the type that would fuck you with no emotions involved, no drama and still meet the satisfaction of our needs including mine. Now I am Just Fucked!! For I don’t think I can go back. I had another man kiss me again and I literally pushed him away and told him why he would go ruin the night for, when we are all having a good time. I was more pissed off at myself than anything else, because as horny as I was, I wasn’t interested, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with this man without Alan not being there. I knew deep inside that this man couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to satisify my needs as Alan could. Sometimes I want to go back to being that bad girl, the one who didnt care about anyone but her own sexual satisication but I can’t. Now I am Alan’s personal slut, his love slave. He controls that side of me that has made me good.

My X-rated daydream for today…

5 Dec

Sometimes I capture myself daydreaming… Alan and I have been talking about finding another couple… but I been daydreaming more than usual about it… Here is my fantasy of it and how it will play out….

We walk into the bar, happy, exited and looking forward in meeting our first couple. We are both excited but trying not to show it.., I know I got butterflies and hoping that this does work out for both of us… wondering if what we are doing is the correct thing… I keep asking myself would he love me less, what about if this woman is better than me, is she prettier and him ugly, will I be able to please a total stranger?

Than we see them, my heart must have stopped for a second… We all smile, and right away they made us feel comfortable. The woman was curvy with nice smile, a gray hazel eyes and very sweet, her name was Lori. He was tall, with a slight gray hair and great smile but his eyes were kind and his name was Steve. They both had us laughing before the drink was over. I nodded to Alan and gave him the thumbs up. Lori must have sensed my nervousness and told me that it was natural to be especially since it being our first time but that she will make sure that I feel safe and that her husband would be gentle with me and gave me hug showing me the reassurance I needed. As we proceed out to the hotel room… I could feel my excitement building… can I perform for them will I be able to please him or her like I please my lover. I never been with a woman before especially a couple my anxiousness was building up… everyone was telling me things will just flow naturally.

As we entered the room I saw the two beds that is all I could focus on for I was nervous I did not even notice the rest of the room till later… I was holding on to Alan’s hand tightly. He gave me a gentle squeeze reassuring me everything was OK. Both men suggested to order drinks and have them brought up… as we waited for them to arrive.. Lori suggested we fresh up, we went into the restroom, she kind of explained some details of what I will be doing and if I wanted to try it out with her first and maybe give the men a show before starting the whole event I told her I never been with a woman and not sure what to do… Lori said don’t worry, she would guide me…

As I keep daydreaming, I am getting wet and really bothered…

We walk back towards the men by than the drinks are in front of us… I must have swallowed mine in one gulp. Lori grabs my hand and leads me to the middle of the room… she gently starts stroking my face and lightly lets her hands touch the back of my neck and kiss me lightly. Her lips are soft, different from a man’s. She slowly takes off my blouse and I do the same for her and we let it drop down on the floor.. she continues to kiss me and lets her kisses drop down my neck down to my chest… by than I feeling the first arousal… and you could hear me moan… she undoes my bra and my breast fall out she grabs them and starts stroking them with her fingers…but she than uses her lips, she sucks on them, my nipples are so erect and aching for her, she gently starts sucking them but then she starts to sucks them roughly as if she knows me… I am grabbing the back of her neck with my hands letting myself melt into her embracing this moment… then I turn my head to look at the men. They looking at us, my lover’s eyes are starting to get the look of desire as he watches me with another woman, as if he is the one commanding my attention telling me what I should do with just his look, nodding his head with approval, telling me to continue… I close my eyes just than as Lori lets her hands fall between the wetness of my mount… somehow I did not notice that my slacks were already off… she gently starts stroking me teasing me so lightly so gently as if I never been touched before… I want to return the favor… I look into her eyes, waiting for approval and I start kissing her gently letting my lips go down her skin to find her erect nipples… I start sucking on them lightly not wanting to hurt her….but when I hear her moan I know that I am pleasing her… I let my hands explore her soft skin… not realizing that a woman could feel so good…

Then I feel another set of hands on me… I turn around and see Alan; I start kissing him and slowly start taking his clothes off…as she does for her husband… I feel myself getting wetter and wetter getting an ache between my legs… My Alan grabs my hand and leads me to Steve, whispering into my ear telling me what I must do. Steve could see the fire within me, seeing that I am no longer the shy girl he first met… he starts kissing me as I let my hands feel the coolness of his skin… the heat that is building within us, within me… I glance to see Alan do the same thing to this woman… it turns me on….to watch him get turn on by another woman who is not me… a stranger who does not know him like I do… slowly with such care Steve lays me down as his wife and Alan come to me…

I am dripping with desire my body feels every touch every kiss every sensation.. I never had so many hands caressing my body at the same time, there is a desire within me that is building, slowly wanting to release itself… I start kissing Alan as Steve works on my clit with his tongue, he slowly flickering it lightly letting me know that he is there to please me to make me moan with pleasure… I see Lori start sucking my Lover’s cock… it’s so hard and thick, I see her mouth her tongue slowly savoring him as she has him enter her mouth. I could see her enjoyment… she starts sucking him slowly and then fast at the same time stroking him with her hand… we are all melting into each other… I reach for Steve’s cock with my hand slowly start stroking him,. and soon I am in front of him sucking him gently at first teasing him with my tongue, flickering it, letting him get use to me being there, as I let my tongue stroke him letting my tongue enjoy the veins as I follow them to his shaft.. I start sucking the tip of his shaft and slowly letting him enter my mouth, but yet teasing him, before I take his cock all the way in I could taste his pre cum juices… they taste different from my lovers… I look at Alan and he looks at me with approval… I know he is enjoying this, we feel this connection I can not describe. As Lori reaches for Alan’s and leads him to where she is aching as well, showing him what she wants, to feel the hot tip of his tongue on her clit… Just knowing the pleasure he has given me knowing now will be shared with a total stranger, has me on fire… Steve starts stroking me letting his fingers find my clit… some how I let out my first orgasm, squirting everywhere, they both looked at each other, as they didn’t realize what I was capable of, but I start to begging for a cock to be inside of me… and Steve complies… as he enters me I feel his hot throb pulsing within me so different from the one I am use too, letting myself squirt again.. and then Alan places his cock in my mouth, I hungrily take it, letting him fuck my mouth as he knows I enjoy doing this, feeling it to the back of my throat, squeezing the back muslces as Alan thrusts his cock deep into the back of my throat.. I want to devour it as Steve pounds me…Lori sucks on my erected nipples, watching me please Alan, I can see the desire in her eyes… somehow we change positions, Steve is fucking his wife, as Alan fucks me as letting me know who I belong to, who my owner is… I don’t remember how this happen in the moment of ecstasy you don’t know what is going on but the pleasure you are receiving… as soon as we were all done…. we got dressed and leave..

My mind is in the gutter today…

COINCIDENCES

3 Dec

Dear …

I been on vacation all last week and tried to stay away from thinking about everything and anyone. I kept myself busy and didn’t want Alan on my mind especially when the holidays being here I knew he would be too busy even for me so I figured I would shut myself down and enjoy my solitude. It’s been over a month since I last saw him. He claims he will try this week but to be honest with you I don’t think he will be able to escape. I guess in a way this a good thing because it’s becoming easier and easier not to miss him or maybe I am just lying to myself not sure either way I am becoming stronger and realizing that our relationship will have an end the probably will leave us both wondering what happened. As much as I love him, reality is what it is.

I am not ending it I know that much but am thinking about us in a different light. He will never belong to me so I have accepted that but I need to belong to someone. Will it be him for now yes but for how long not sure. When he called last week I was with one of my male friends and I answered the phone, I figured it would be a while before my friend gets done and apparently he got done quicker than I anticipated. Alan heard his voice and even heard him tell me, that he would be seeing me later and this bothered him. Alan asked me who he was I simply said a friend, he was helping me some stuff that I need done in my home. I went out with another male friend and he was not happy, he called it a date, I called it two friends hanging out. I guess he is realizing I got lots of male friends. I also think this made him realize I am not sitting at home waiting for his call that might or might not come in or visit. However, it bothers him that someone else is coming into my home and that I have the freedom to come and go but you know what the funny part about all of this is that I sprain my ankle in the middle of my vacation. Could it have been his jealously working overtime?

It happened after I was kissed by another man. Yes, I let another man kiss me; I met with another male friend the following day. I am like one of the guys, yet, I can be a woman at the same time. My friend and I met at this bar, BTW.. THIS WAS NOT A DATE. I was telling him about Alan and how he thought I was on a date the day before, and I just couldn’t understand why I felt guilty when it was just two people hanging out. He was telling me that he was lonely and wanted to find the right woman. I got tipsy and so did my friend. We were having a great time dancing and just enjoying each others company. It was just him and I in this bar nobody WAS there, I guess everyone was to busy cooking or shopping. We were just putting money in the juke box and just enjoying each others company. I didn’t ask to be kissed especially since him and I been friends for couple of years now. I never had whiskey before. I was feeling great especially in the arms of another man with the music playing, laughing, drinking, and in such a happy mood. I am not sure if we both were feeling lonely but we were enjoying each others company that when he stole the first kiss I was in shock but when he went for the second one I didn’t stop him. Nothing will come out of this because we both value our friendship. However, it felt really good. But than, I truly believe that the greater Gods are protecting me from finding someone else because this sprain shouldn’t have been this severe and what a coincidence that it happened right before I was going to SEE my friend again for another round of dancing, drinking and laughter. I had no choice but to lay there watch TV, and think. This is not the first time something happens when I am trying to meet someone. Last time I was really interested in meeting this man and for some reason my texting stopped in the middle of it and it crashed my phone. I couldn’t send him or receive texts or receive phone calls from him but I was from my friends but not his. I went to go see a male friend whom I have known for many years and he wanted just to meet and catch up on my way my car window got hit with a rock and it broke it. I went to go see another male friend and of out of the blue he said he wanted me but then his girlfriend walks in out of nowhere. Can all of this really be coincidences or is someone trying to tell me something. Can someone just explain it to me??

However, I did realize that I might never find a lover like Alan but I will find someone who will be as close or even better. I want that connection that I have with him but much better. I am not going to settle down for anything less but I sure as hell going to make sure that this guy gets all of me even the side that Alan has. Even if all these “coincidences” keep happening, I am not going to stop trying, lets just hope I don’t break a leg trying.