Archive | February, 2015

Curiosity can kill a marriage

25 Feb

I must admit I am intrigued by this couple we met. I can see where Alan is intrigued by her. I am intrigued by both of them. I find them so sweet and innocent even though they have been married 31 years. However, I feel some reservations about them. I feel that they could emotionally get attached really easy to us. I can also see see myself hanging out with them and having a good time. Alan even said they would be perfect for us if we were totally together because that’s what they want. They were the first couple I must admit that I enjoyed meeting. I could sense they want a friendship and not a one thing event. We have not been honest with them. We haven’t told them he is married and I am not. They think we are in a real relationship. We did have the opportunity to come clean but we did not take it. They have the kind of love most of us dream of when being married after 31 years. I admire their relationship and find it appealing for they are each other’s friend, companion, lovers, man and wife. I see how comfortable they are with each other; they both said they cannot live without each other. They claim they are each other’s oasis. They been together since they were 15 years of age and they evolved as time, years, months went by and became adults together. They are now deciding to do this because they never been with another man or female. I feel they are walking into a dangerous path. I can see the curiosity but wondering if this could do more damaging to their relationship. I could see where Alan could be intrigued to see if he could bring out her wild side as he did me. She is a good woman with great morals but I could also see her being lead to the wrong path of the cheating world if she is not careful maybe it’s her innocents that has me feeling this way or that she is naïve or that it’s hard to believe someone has only been with one man since she was a child herself.

I feel that I would be playing with their emotional side and I do not play the emotional card. I fear that if they do go explore that they would not be able to handle the after math even if they do have a strong bond, it could always be broken. I think they are real curious and not seeing the whole picture but a fantasy, not the emotional side of it. I feel like Eve enticing Adam to eat the apple. I feel that their love could be jeopardized by playing these games. I am nobody to judge but most of us know what we are getting into but you have this couple and you can see they have not lived the wild sexual side. I feel that this woman can easily get attached to the man in front of her because this is a woman who has not played the field. I feel that he will be threatened by her sexuality even though he is eager to be with another woman. I feel this is making him blind and he is not seeing this quite through. I feel that even though they are strong that they will have issues if he feels that she is more intimate with another man. He already felt a pang of jealously when he saw her kiss another man. He says he didn’t realize he was going to act or feel jealous till the moment he saw her kissing another man but this is serious for them when for us it’s about playing. I asked her how she felt about kissing another man she claims she love it. She felt that someone wanted her; she felt her ego raise because it’s only been her husband and that to me is a red flag. She told me she enjoys masturbating because she can gets better organism with herself, though I might agree if your partner is not great in the bedroom which tells me the husband might be lacking something. I still believe my best organisms come with the man who is in front of me and not a toy, maybe another red light here. Though they have a strong bond all it takes is the right man to entice her and I could see this happening.

Will it be Alan or another man this woman can stray if she finds a man who has her moral values though I see the bond they have and the love they have for each other I also see that with the right guy to make her feel more wanted than her husband already does that this bond between them could be broken. Maybe I am over analyzing it but I hate to be their first to break this bond between them. I would hate to see that what they have so special be broken because curiosity took the best of them. I just feel that they are playing with fire and we are the fire that could burn the house down if this couple doesn’t have the bond they give the impression they give. Something about this is not right and I feel that I should step away maybe I am feeling jealously or insecure about this because emotions can be involved but I don’t blame Alan for wanting to be her second, who wouldn’t want to be the one to bring out her wild side. I just hope one of us does not get hurt in this process especially them whom have this love that only many of us can hope for. It’s a thin line they are crossing and hoping that their love will win at the end.

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Insecurities or jealously??

23 Feb

I have an anxious feeling maybe because tonight we are going to meet our first couple. In a way it makes me sad, anxious and nervous. Instead of have the good anxious excitement one I have the dreaded one. I feel that we are lying to them. We haven’t told them that he is married and I am not. They seem very conservative and I did mention them in my prior blog. Where the man seems so eager to have a full swap because they never been with anyone else in over 26 years. However, there is something that’s bugging me. Maybe because I have no control and this jealously streak has not stopped. I know I need to trust but Alan does not know that I see him checking his profile on lonelyhousewifes and I am just waiting to see if he will pay or not.

I know that he got a liking for her, the couples wife. She is plain, very sweet by plain I mean no makeup little to none, seems to dress conservative, not much of a conversational kind of lady totally opposite of me and is being very submissive. He claims this woman intrigues him because she is a challenge. He does text her, and I did forewarn the husband that he should keep an eye on the men who text her. I would hate to know that Alan would even try to seduce her to see if he could win a prize out of this. However, I in the other hand am strong but submissive when need to be. I am not plain; I am sexual and will do what needs to be done. I love dressing up, looking good and feeling sexual about myself. I don’t depend on men and only became a challenge when need be maybe I should become more of a challenge to Alan. I just do not want to challenge Alan because he is not the one that will win me at the end so why play this game with him. Don’t get me wrong he hates when I don’t take his calls and when I am busy for him but I do not go further than that.

He asked if it was OK to take her a single rose. I don’t know why this bothered me but I feel that if this man is not careful I can see Alan sweeping her away. I guess you can say my trust is on a rollercoaster ride maybe because of the profile he created, like I said he does check but has not paid to read the emails. I also know the symbol of a single rose means when received by a man, who is interested in woman and that there might be feelings will give a single rose. Am I wrong to think this? Why am I feeling insecure? I did tell him that this could cause some kind of issues if this is taken the wrong way. However, for him to think this has me thinking that maybe there is more than he is saying. I know that it could be exciting for a man to be the second man to another woman who has only been with one but why the insecurities for me. Why do I feel like something is off here? Am I over analyzing this? I do have a habit of over analyzing everything but have gotten better but when he mention that when he was walking that he was thinking of giving her a single rose this just didn’t go well with me. I guess because he never surprised me with a single rose. Could this be the cause of the insecurities of jealously? I really need to get a grip of myself before the meeting.

I have no rights…

20 Feb

This was started 2/16/2015

Ever since Friday, I been very upset but then I shouldn’t be. I have no right to be. It was me who listen to his words. It was me that believed them. I listened to his words this weekend but his actions are speaking louder than anything. He does not know I know that he signed up for a site. He does not that I know more than I am implying I figured it’s really none of my business. My friend tells me that I do the same but I told her that I signed up to be in a relationship and that he knew about it. I never lied to him about me hoping to find someone. I hate being jealous I don’t understand it and honestly, I shouldn’t be jealous. I guess when it comes down to it I hate that he is lying to me. He did mention that he goes on Porn site just like me, dribbles and dabbles playing around. I made it very clear that I do go on Porn sites but I don’t dibbles or dabbles. He tells me that he has no need to search for others, that I am unique and that what we have he will never find in someone else. Yet, I see him going into the site and opening messages. I am livid about it but calmer for when it comes down to it, I have no rights over him. What I hate most about it that after he tells me he is not searching, that he is loyal to me, that I am the perfect lover, that he had to go through a lot of women to find me, yet, the moment he hangs up a few minutes later he is on that site and tried to open up some emails. Of course, you need to pay before you can and he hasn’t paid but that action speaks volume to me. I have been playing it off. I don’t want him to know, I know, he did sense me on Friday and knew something was wrong. He knew I was distant. I just lied and told him I was tired and that I had issues at work. I didn’t want him to know that this affected me or to what degree.

What I don’t understand is why tell me about the ex-lover and be honest with me and turn around and do this. I just don’t get it. However, it really isn’t my business. Maybe it was an ego boost to see if anyone was interested however, I have no rights to stop him.

Present…

I agreed to see him on Wednesday morning. Yes, stupid of me but I just agreed do to the fact that I want him not knowing what I am feeling and I was horny. See I can fuck no matter what I am feeling, anger, sadness whatever I enjoy sex. We still continue to look for a couple though I have lost my mojo for it. I doubt we will since none of the couples are sane. I even gave marriage advice to this couple supposedly the wife has never been with another man expect for him since they both have been 15 of age, 27 years later they are both willing to explore with others. The husband is so eager to hook up that he even agreed for his wife to be in separate rooms. Really dude!! He gives out her phone number so men can text her so that way she will agree to be with another man so he can be with another woman. I explain that if he tells men that, they will be her second men in her life that men are dogs and will do anything even if it means coaxing her into an affair. Told him not to be giving out her number and that he needs to be in control, Oh and no separate rooms this could bring in issues and insecurities into their relationship. Who am I to give advice when I am fucking a married man and going through my issues? However, they seem like a nice couple and I feel that because of his eagerness this could be damaging to a marriage that seems good. I told him always keep your guard up and if they both been married 27 years without seeking others they need to be careful. I felt a soft spot for them since they are young and well, someone had to tell them and hopefully prevent a disaster. Yet, I really had no rights to interfere in their marriage and give them advice.

As Alan and I well things are just going. I noticed he hasn’t gone on the dating site since this weekend. Why torture myself, I honestly don’t know maybe to give myself a splash of reality. I just know that I been disappointed in him since Valentine’s Day but it got worse on Wednesday. The day before he wanted me to give his number to this couple and of course, had forewarn him that this could be bad since they don’t know he is married. So what happens, he got caught texting and who does he tell his wife it is, of course, ME!!! Really, I told him he threw me under the bus and that it was not right. Yet, he did not want to cancel seeing me on Wednesday morning. He told his wife, I was just checking up on him but that he texted me, he was not interested. It stung, because weren’t those the same words he used when his ex-lover contacted him. Of course, all texting has ended between us so now I am stuck doing all the work for these couples. Yet, he gets jealous because the men are communicating with me. He said if I needed him. I could contact him, really I just said I will not be texting him. I know that it might have stung but I am not going to be texting him no matter what. However, this one couple, he is more worried about because he is married and lives close to me plus he is dominating. He knows I like a man to dominate me. He knows I enjoy giving up my control and being submissive in the bedroom. He just doesn’t know that I do not give up that control easily. However, I would not step into another married man’s life. The woman has only been with him recently and keeps asking me questions about being the other woman. I told her being the other woman sucks and it’s a life you do not want to enter.

I think she was trying to get my approval but I do not wish this life on anyone. It’s a life of emotional roller coaster hell. This really got me thinking again and how I got myself in this position. I hate that I am in love with a man who I cannot seem to be able to let go. The pain will be to great and the losing him unbearable but I know one day it has to be done. However, I just have this feeling about him that I cannot describe and one that still keeps me where I am at. I hate that he made me jealous. I hate that I cannot let him go. I hate that I feel he is the one when in reality he could never be. I hate missing him. I hate I have no rights. Yet, I love the way he makes me feel. I love the way he understands me. I love who he is. I love that the first time in my life I actually can love someone. However, being the other woman is not a life I want to live for the rest of my life.

Am I the rat waiting for the cheese to fall…..

13 Feb

Started on 2/11/15
Sorry, I haven’t posted to give you the update of my threesome but it never happened. So I decided to go ahead and put ourselves out there for a couple, another male or female. I have been so busy answering some many emails, that I am getting tired of it. No wonder the guys do this more than the girls. It’s a lot of hard work and since Alan has no time and of course, being married does not give him much time to be emailing or texting. Some are just sick and others have really great potential and I do get excited knowing that one of these sexual adventures could be possible. However, I do have my reservations about the whole process.

I am not sure why I am animated about having a sexual adventure, I need my sexual strength back. Don’t get me wrong I been seeing Alan several times so far but I am still have my reservations about us finding a couple. I not sure if it is the jealous of another woman texting him, looking to hook up with him not used to this part of myself feeling possessive about someone. . I am not sure if I am the rat who is being trained by using cheese to lure her in. I just know that I need to do something fun and sexually adventurous. I know that I am dealing with having to trust him that he truly is loyal to me but part of me still feel insecure and no longer sure of myself. He did tell me he turned her down twice and each time we met the intimacy got better and very intense, mind-blowing sex that we are still craving it after days of not seeing each other. It’s been amazing but as soon as I go home the insecurities come back. I am trying real hard to believe him but then who am I to judge when I got ex-lovers always texting me to ask if I am available, I always so no but that is me. I lost interested in them.

I know I have no choice but to believe him and that is what I am doing. However, it still bugs me maybe because this is the woman who called my 14 months ago to tell me I might have STD and that he slept with her. I am not sure but this has put me in a position I am not used to and not sure how to handle. So what do I do go see if I can find a sexual adventure. I never been one to be possessive over another and never understood the jealous part and dealing with this right now is not good for me. Can a married man even be loyal to his lover? What proof do I need that he will be loyal to me and not lie when he has done it before? I guess that is life. I guess this is what you call trust and hoping that he truly means what he says. He says he wants only me and I must believe him. Yet, who am I to ask for his loyalty when in reality I will be the one to find someone for myself. I must be crazy or something.

Yet, you see me like a dog in heat looking for a couple, male or female. I feel like part of it is because he deserves it as much as I do but maybe in different matter. I guess it’s my reward to him for being honest and choosing me. Does this make sense because I sure as hell don’t understand the big urgency? I know that our love-making has gotten intense since he told me. It like I so happy that he did, I need to reward him for this for being honest with me for actually letting me feel that I do matter.
However, finding a couple, female or man has been very stressful when it should be exciting and fun. Alan being married makes it hard for me to even text him or call him and ask his opinion when I get excited about someone. He continues on with his life when I must be friendly and willing to be texting and letting them know what we are all about. It’s hard to explain to these people that he is married and that I am JUST a lover. Some are ok with it but others like that I am single and hope that I am willing to play with them solo. I hate that when I do get excited about a couple we might lose them because he does not respond because he is too busy. He claims he is too busy, and there is no privacy, it makes it hard for me and I do understand but at the same time it’s a splash of reality to me.

I am like the rat waiting to see if I will be getting pieces of cheese. Don’t get me wrong since he told me about his ex-lover we been communicating every day and enjoying ourselves but I can never text him first when something is happening, I have to wait till he does and the coast is clear but that usually too late for I let the person on hold to long. I always felt I wanted to do this with my significant other but since I don’t am I really settling and missing out the true meaning of finding a couple for pleasure and intimacy between the one you are with. Or am I in if for sexual pleasure and don’t give a hoots? I haven’t figured it out yet. I know that since I been with Alan my wild ass has soil its oaks but I don’t understand why the change and it the urgency of doing something wild. I am trying to sort all of this out and yet, dealing with life issues at home.

Present…

Why do men think they can fucken fool a woman, Really? especially, someone who knows the ropes better than they do. Someone who has never been caught cheating and teaches others. As you can tell I am livid!!!! Beyond Lived!!!

Alan sends me roses for Valentine’s Day; send me a key chain that says, you hold the key to my heart!!! AAAWWW!!! Sweet right!!!! I appreciate you, I like you so much and I so happy you are working to get these couples for us. You are the only one I want, I don’t want anyone else, I choose you, you are my perfect lover, you were made for me, I telling you about the ex-lover so you know I am being truthful. Well, he doesn’t know that nobody plays me and not the type to fall for bullshit easily especially if they are married but I did with him, it took me time but I did. He gave me his email password and I don’t know what made me check but I did. What do I see Lonelywifeshookup verification of email. He confirm so what do I do. I go on into his profile, he upload a picture, he also signed up for text me. WTF!!!! Really, Not doing anything but you, I appreciate you and wanted you to know. I belong to you!!! I know I don’t have rights to him but when a man seats there and tells me bullshit. That’s such wrong. I never celebrated Valentines day till I met him. I hate FUCKEN LAIRS!!! Yes, I do lie but when I am avoiding pain or hurt. However, I am not telling him. I won’t tell him till I am ready. I will need some time to figure it all out. So Happy Valentine ’s Day to me. So what am I going to do with the couples I just set up dates with maybe I will be their third. I always wanted to be in a threesome with a female. He really shouldn’t have pissed me off especially when I already dealing with life and trying to find myself again and I set up a couple of adventures.

I guess I am that rat that wanted that cheese, give it some crumbs and I followed.
Maybe I am overreacting but this is how I feel right now.