Archive | July, 2015

Sorry… another death

31 Jul

I lost my grandfather last week and he had been very sick… sorry I haven’t written but its been overwhelming for me. They(grandfather and grandma) had been together 70 years and from what I know of the last 45 he was loyal and well, he missed my grandmother. She passed away in December last year and I guess he couldn’t live without his greatest love.

It’s not as bad as when my grandmother passed away but still its been hard and there is a funny story in it but will write about it later…. I haven’t forgetton about realities 2 story but right now just dealing with what is in front of me.

Be back soon…

Part 1 – Weekend of realities…

7 Jul

I started this last week but been so busy to finish it…

I had to take a few days to recoup before I started writing about my adventurous weekend. It was an eye opener and made me realize that my reality is not where Alan is.

On the first night, we met and decided what bars to hit. I told him that when finding a stranger it takes time and I must be in the mood and that means a few drinks and less pot. He still wanted to smoke and honesty, I am not used to smoking when going out in public. We go to our first bar and it was dead, total of 5 people, we had one beer and left. However, first reality I noticed that he walked ahead of me. He did not wait by my side instead walked ahead of me. Did not open the door he probably did not even realize I was still in the bar. I was talking to the bartender asking her what nights she recommends to return, when she even noticed he didn’t wait for me and said your date just left. However, I was more interested in coming back and getting the information I needed, I will return back to this place alone. However, I was bothered that he did not open the door or that he didn’t wait for me or that he even didn’t hold my hands. I know that it’s against the rules to hold hands in public but I choose this place because it was in a private area and nobody would see us. We go to the second bar; we stepped in and then stepped out. No way would I have stayed in a smelling place as that one. Yuckie!! We went to our favorite place before going to our the last bar I had planned on, we always enjoy dinner there and well, he had his second beer and so did I. In the middle of dinner, he started to feel sick and felt the room spin so we go home. We had sex and he fell asleep before 8:30 pm. I was in shock because I was just starting my evening. I started to text my friends at that hour asking them what they were doing I was not tired and I had been up since 430am. I guess the texting bothered him because he asked me, what is that noise and who was I texting.

However, the second reality hit me again, I am not sure if his way of sleeping is meant for me but we slept opposite’s side of the bed. We spoon for about 5 minutes and he rolled over to his corner and I did mine. Not good at all, I am a cuddlier and if I hadn’t had anyone in my bed for years and all of suddenly I am sleeping with someone I believe in spooning throughout the night. I want to cuddle up to the person not necessary in twine but where you at least within reach. This bothered me. I guess this is how he sleeps with his wife and maybe because there is no intimacy that this is the way of sleeping but not for me. I wasn’t happy. However, in the morning he came back for some spooning and morning sex.

I let him do some work and I start getting ready for our day. It was a very pleasant day and one of the things I realized I miss not holding hands. It was a very good day very pleasant nothing really said about anything. We had lunch on the beach and just enjoyed each others company. When we were walking on the beach and I would see other couples holding hands I craved it. He did claim he wished he could hold my hands but did not want to risk getting caught. I realized right there that I need more. As we walked on some rocks and sat there I wanted to kiss him but didn’t because I knew better but moments like that made my reality of our relationship much more clear. In a way it was a reality check and bringing me back to reality of being the other woman. Even though we were having an awesome time small little things bothered me. I had the swinger’s party set up for that night but I wasn’t feeling it at all. I mean we had plenty of sex through out the day but I felt like something was missing. My next post will be about the party.

The next day we went out for breakfast somewhere I always wanted to take him. It was very pleasant and I let him do more work while I got dressed. Of course, I didn’t get far cause we ended up making love and we had a late start to our day. However, it was part of the sexual energy from the night before and how great of a time it was. It was another pleasant day we enjoyed each others company and even joked but still no holding hands. I felt that this is not something I am enjoying but than as the day progressed I noticed once we made it back home all he wanted to do was cuddle. He wanted me to be right next to him. I noticed that even though once again the night prior he slept on his corner of the bed that during the day if alone he would want to cuddle up and watch a movie. He kept me close to him claims that sometimes he wishes is wife would cuddle with him and that he is enjoying my head on his shoulders. We couldn’t stop having enough of each other. Even though the day before we were like bunny rabbits and even though we had sex the night before we were like on a marathon not willing to stop. I am surprised that I survived it. But there was just little signals in his private life that I noticed.

He probably got hurt with some of my words though. We talked about going to the nudist resort but told him I couldn’t take him because he wasn’t part of my real life and I didn’t want to explain who he was. I know that it stung and he apologized, I told him no worries but that his presences in my life can not be known for I do not want to be question I guess you can say he was in semi shock but understood. I guess he didn’t realize I do have a life that he has no part of just like I don’t to his. I knew that it stung but he accepted it but I feel that it left him thinking. I told him as far as everyone knows I am single. I think those words stung because after that he asked me who I was texting and I would just say friends. I know he saw that I got a few male callers but did not answer but texted instead. He started telling me who he was texting as if this would make me tell him what I was doing but I did not question him. Figured it really isn’t my business not that I was curious but honesty, after the dating site I realized that I shouldn’t be curious he does not belong to me and I have no rights to ask as he has no rights to ask me.

He really is used to doing things alone and that he really craves attention yet, will not ask. He will behave one moment as a friend would but than the next a lover. But what I really did notice was not once did we say we loved or liked each other. There was no loving words. There was times we were quiet and just enjoy each other but no need for words. Yet, we laughed so much and yet, there was an inner peace. This weekend was an eye opener to many new realities but the bottom line is I love affection and showing it, this was a different kind of experience one that gave me a lot to think of and realizing that reality is not with him.