Archive | September, 2015

Not sure why I don’t feel it …

28 Sep

I haven’t felt like writing in a while. I feel that I ended up in a dead end with everything that is going on… not that I have many followers but the ones I do I do appreciate it and figured just to keep you guys posted. I still have untold stories to tell but yet, I haven’t felt like writing. I am just taking one day at a time. I still in the same rut but nothing else has improved expect that my life has gotten harder when it comes to the traditional ways with my parents. I guess you can say that because I am more liberal and single they figure I should give up my life but I am refusing. So what do I do I act like I am 21 and partying the night away which in return upsets Alan even though he gets upset he wont admit it. He does make me laugh especially since he wishes he was part of my life and isn’t. So what do I do keep myself busy and living the nightlife. I will be back with some stories but need this time to figure myself out because some how I have lost my way.

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Just a quick summary

2 Sep

Sorry, I haven’t been around to blog but real life as really taken a toll on me. I have had major changes in my life after my grandfathers death. I been trying to deal with my parents, my daughter and of course, Alan. Being that I come from a very traditional family I am expect to take care of my parents however, my parents are in good health. They are able to travel, take care of themselves and basically have a very good life if they choose. Yet, I am pulling away because I do not want to give up my life to please two healthy people that need to make a life of their own. I do not want to give up MY life for two people who refuse to have their own life and want you to give up yours because they do not believe in going outside and exploring a world of wonders. They do not believe in having friends and believe that family is the only one you can count on. They believe that I am abandoning because I will not give up my social life to be with them. I told them this their time to rekindle their love, to remember the reasons why they choose each other to being with but all I see is two miserable people not knowing what to do with themselves. I always say that at the end you must and better get along with your partner because at the end its about both of you. It’s not about the kids or grandchildren but about finding that both of you are still in love, enjoying each others company and discovering new things that life has always prevented you from doing before. I see two miserable people eating in different areas, both looking so lost because all you do is seat there looking at four walls. Refusing to go outside because they are so afraid of what life has to offer. I declined my visits to three times a week and even than its been a big confrontation over another. I keep hearing that I don’t love them, that I am abandoning them, pawning them off when in reality I am just living my life as I see fit. Isn’t my life my own till I find the one I want to grow old with…

My daughter well, she is growing up and nothing I can do about it but sure am missing that she does not need me as much as she did before. However, I am enjoying my new founded freedom to be able to have one hell of a social life, which I am doing. I don’t think I could have made it without my friends. They are my moral support, my escape from the realities of real life. I discovered who my true friends are and its amazing when you allow yourself to trust others. However, with this new freedom comes…

Alan well, what can I say he is married and I am not. There has been many issues that have cause us to disagree. However, he hates that I am now having more freedom to do as I want and he hates that he is not part of my life. I hate that he has time to see me on the weekends yet, he does not choose to be with me. He hates that I will not give up my life to accommodate him. I hate that he has made me see things differently that I truly do matter to him but only to a limit and I just don’t believe in limits.